As I unfold here and share more of what I have kept private I find my heart racing. Ok, let me back up a bit.
How many of you make a vision board, destination board?
About 3 years ago I wrote down on an index card 'I want to live in a cute home, close to a movie theatre, coffee shop and Trader Joe's. I went out looking and trying to find a home. I guess I felt like for the first time in years I needed to plant my feet somewhere after living now in my 3rd state. Every home I found went into a bidding war. Completely frustrated and giving up I stopped looking. A few months latter, I went to California to visit my best friend Pamela. She was now living in Livermore a cute little town just east of the bay. Well, I fell in love with this place and felt very prompted to move here. Went back to Denver and started the process to move.
So much took place in those few months. A lot of anxiety, fear and a wave of determination. Nothing was going to stop me from getting here. I have never felt so much courage and determination. We had a studio space but I had no place to live. I was on several apartment waiting lists and I was praying every day for a place to show up. About 2 weeks before my big move Pamela called and said she was standing outside my house. Not an apt, but a home. Well with a lot of prayers I got that place and upon my second day of unpacking this index card fell out. I will live in a cute home just blocks away from a coffee shop, theater, and grocery store... well guess what? Yep, I lived just blocks away from them.
Because that worked I decided to get a bigger board and place more index cards on it. One of them I never thought I would do. You see, years of being in bad relationships I gave up. I have been fine, just having my greatest relationship be my photography. As the months went by I was missing my mother and father and thinking how they must be happy to be together again. How they showed me what unconditional love was. So I pulled out an index card and wrote what I saw in them. Detailed on the love, joy, laughter, communication and truly unconditional love they had for each other. Ripped out a photo of two girls on a sofa laughing and put them both on my destination board.
A year later I was working on getting sober and looking for new friends that did not drink to hang with. In doing so, I met someone that had a spark in her eyes, one I had not seen before in anyone. We started to chat via texting for a month. Then the following month on the phone. For about 9 weeks I looked forward to hearing from her and was always quick to reply.
We laughed on the phone for hours. I found myself for the first time wanting to know more about her. We agreed the following month to meet in person. The word awkward doesn't even come close to how I felt. We had coffee, went to a movie and then went to dinner. The next day a friend that was visiting asked me what I was feeling. I had no words. My ego quickly tried to jump in, but I hesitated and just smiled at her and said 'I don't know'. My friend quickly replied 'what you seek is seeking you' and that comment hit me hard in my the heart... What I was seeking was seeking me? As the months went by and we spent time getting to know each other I felt something truly beautiful happening to me.
One night I walked into my bedroom to look at my board and that index card. What was seeking me had found me and I had found it. I think honoring what you want and deserve and writing it down to see everyday is a great reminder or your worth. You are worth being loved unconditionally! You are worth a heart filled with faith.
Thank you for joining me on this personal journey.